I took very little in the beginning. Then when I was going to school and looked into some help with daycare 18 hours a week while I worked, I was told I should formally file for support. I was hesitant because I knew that it would mean more trouble for me, but then I thought, " Because I breathe, they criticize me, so why not." I figured I had saved him $35,000 over a nine year period.
I only took him there once. All the other times he took me in for reduction.... I even volunteered a higher reduction, asking him, in front of his lawyer, to stop the alienation. She seemed to get it, but he did not. The last time he took me in he brought my daughter along. I walked in and there she sat. He said to her, " Go ahead and say hi to your mom." He controls her and has hurt her all through this process. With a strong interest in child development, I have written him and her ( his wife) to plese stop and explained how these behaviors hurt our daughter. But everytime I wrote, they pumped the assault on her emotional life and mine even more. Every letter I wrote, I also sent to the conciliator's offfice, but they seemed to ignore them because they did not acknowledge them. Very sad for my daughter and all the other children and targeted parents all over the world.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Counselor / Evaluator
I went to the counselor the second lawyer suggested. If I would have spoken to the people from my church first, I would have been more prepared. The counselor their told me she would not send anyone to her, for she has helped destroy a lot of family situations. I also found out her family life was a mess as well.
I entered with hope, but it soon turned to dispair. I tried to tell this person I was being forever undermined and my time was encroached upon, but she would not listen. In fact she participated in the undermining. I called her a few times from home and she had returned my calls as well. My number was in the book.
When school was about to start I told her that I could not attend as often because I was starting a teaching job. I asked her to call me if anything came up and she agreed. A few months later I asked my daughter if she was still seeing ____ and my daughter's reply, " What's it to you?" I was busy with my first teaching job and did not pay too much attention to this. I was getting used to disrespect, undermining..... sadly. Then one night I got a call from her father telling me he would have me arrested the following day if I did not have my dughter at the drop off point in time. He said this would happen in front of my students if necessary. I was shocked. My daughter was hime and knew what he had said to me and added, " You deserve to be arrested." I called the police and asked if they would actually do this and they said no. A couple of days later I received conciliation papers in the mail. They stated I did not take my daughter to the right church ( he had not vene been brought up with any kind of religion) and that I refused to go to counseling. Now remember, I was the one who asked for the counseling to begin with. I saw that increased saddness in my daughter's life and knew that it was so emotionally abisive to pressure a child to pick one parent over the other.
So I called this counselor to ask her what was going on and she would NOT return my call. I also found out that she had written a court report for the scheduled mediation even though I was not a participant. It took several calls then a letter from my lawyer for her to respond. Her excuse... she said she did not have my number even though she had called me and that it was in the book. When I saw her face to face I asked her, " How can you write a report when I have not even been involved." She said, " Don't you trust me?"
I guess I was naive, because these incidents still shocked me, paralyzed me to a certain point because I did not have the energy to take action against her. Eight years later I tried, but it was too late. And besides, what kind of morals and ethics do the people have that one reports these people too?
I entered with hope, but it soon turned to dispair. I tried to tell this person I was being forever undermined and my time was encroached upon, but she would not listen. In fact she participated in the undermining. I called her a few times from home and she had returned my calls as well. My number was in the book.
When school was about to start I told her that I could not attend as often because I was starting a teaching job. I asked her to call me if anything came up and she agreed. A few months later I asked my daughter if she was still seeing ____ and my daughter's reply, " What's it to you?" I was busy with my first teaching job and did not pay too much attention to this. I was getting used to disrespect, undermining..... sadly. Then one night I got a call from her father telling me he would have me arrested the following day if I did not have my dughter at the drop off point in time. He said this would happen in front of my students if necessary. I was shocked. My daughter was hime and knew what he had said to me and added, " You deserve to be arrested." I called the police and asked if they would actually do this and they said no. A couple of days later I received conciliation papers in the mail. They stated I did not take my daughter to the right church ( he had not vene been brought up with any kind of religion) and that I refused to go to counseling. Now remember, I was the one who asked for the counseling to begin with. I saw that increased saddness in my daughter's life and knew that it was so emotionally abisive to pressure a child to pick one parent over the other.
So I called this counselor to ask her what was going on and she would NOT return my call. I also found out that she had written a court report for the scheduled mediation even though I was not a participant. It took several calls then a letter from my lawyer for her to respond. Her excuse... she said she did not have my number even though she had called me and that it was in the book. When I saw her face to face I asked her, " How can you write a report when I have not even been involved." She said, " Don't you trust me?"
I guess I was naive, because these incidents still shocked me, paralyzed me to a certain point because I did not have the energy to take action against her. Eight years later I tried, but it was too late. And besides, what kind of morals and ethics do the people have that one reports these people too?
Hired a Lawyer, Then Another......
Let me prefface this blog. The secretary of the second lawyer said that custody is like the lottery. She said that she has read some awful cases that made no sense, where the parent who was proven a bad parent got more custody. Is it mostly about money?
I had hired a few different lawyers. The first was a woman lawyer. While in her office she allowed herself to be interrupted several times on my hard earned dollar. I was so emotional about the situation that I did not speak up about that fact. I was hoping she could help me and my daughter. I later found out that she spoke a few times to the conciliator about my case, which was pretty undermining to say the least. She did nothing to represent my best interest or the interest of my child.
I hired a different attorney, one who I went to school with. He listened, told me which counselor we should go to, then said he did not believe me about the alienation. He did not believe that a child can be turned from a parent. Did not believe that it hurts a child they are told they do not have to have a parent in their life, that they can choose, did not believe that the child can be sent covert and overt messages by a parent that damages their bond with their other parent , did not believe that his colleague ( the counselor/evaluator ) he sent us too was biased and horribly disliked in the community in which she lived. But then this lawyer became a parent coordinator, charging a whopping $175 per hour. Interesting!
The third attorney I hired was a real estate attorney that had more sense about him than the other two. He did not drink from their coffee pots or pee in their toilets. I had moves in the same district as the father so he and I were questioning my daughter changing schools, but it was up to the conciliator. She ordered that she change schools so she can make friends in the area. On a side note, the father and stepmother and their family members told my daughter I made her change schools so she would be mad with me. Typical.
I had hired a few different lawyers. The first was a woman lawyer. While in her office she allowed herself to be interrupted several times on my hard earned dollar. I was so emotional about the situation that I did not speak up about that fact. I was hoping she could help me and my daughter. I later found out that she spoke a few times to the conciliator about my case, which was pretty undermining to say the least. She did nothing to represent my best interest or the interest of my child.
I hired a different attorney, one who I went to school with. He listened, told me which counselor we should go to, then said he did not believe me about the alienation. He did not believe that a child can be turned from a parent. Did not believe that it hurts a child they are told they do not have to have a parent in their life, that they can choose, did not believe that the child can be sent covert and overt messages by a parent that damages their bond with their other parent , did not believe that his colleague ( the counselor/evaluator ) he sent us too was biased and horribly disliked in the community in which she lived. But then this lawyer became a parent coordinator, charging a whopping $175 per hour. Interesting!
The third attorney I hired was a real estate attorney that had more sense about him than the other two. He did not drink from their coffee pots or pee in their toilets. I had moves in the same district as the father so he and I were questioning my daughter changing schools, but it was up to the conciliator. She ordered that she change schools so she can make friends in the area. On a side note, the father and stepmother and their family members told my daughter I made her change schools so she would be mad with me. Typical.
Custody Conciliation Experience
When I went to conciliation to seek help in making a schedule that would be fair to both me and my daughter's father, I was shocked at the demeanor of these court employees. During the hour long meeting, the father of my child said some pretty off the wall things like, " Last week it eneded up being 60 degrees outside, and do you know what she (me) sent my daughter to school in? A winter coat." I would look over at this prafessional and she would be rolling her eyes at him. But in the end she created a schedule which gave me less access to my daughter even when I was available, and him more, even though he was at work and is then girlfriend would be picking my daughter up from school.
Later I called the courthouse, curious about what credentials this person and her fellow employee had as a conciliator, but they would not share this information. I then had a friend inquire, and she too, was given the run around. I finally called a second time and spoke to the supervisor who said, "You do not need to know." I could not believe the treatment I was given. I stayed on the line and convinced him to tell me. I found out th the first conciliator was assigned to the conciliator position from a sercretarial position. She was known as a power hungry person who did not seem very happy. So........ And her partner was a former drug and alcholol counselor. Hmmmmm........ Let's get people who unsderstand child development, attachment theories, structural family therapy.....
Later I called the courthouse, curious about what credentials this person and her fellow employee had as a conciliator, but they would not share this information. I then had a friend inquire, and she too, was given the run around. I finally called a second time and spoke to the supervisor who said, "You do not need to know." I could not believe the treatment I was given. I stayed on the line and convinced him to tell me. I found out th the first conciliator was assigned to the conciliator position from a sercretarial position. She was known as a power hungry person who did not seem very happy. So........ And her partner was a former drug and alcholol counselor. Hmmmmm........ Let's get people who unsderstand child development, attachment theories, structural family therapy.....
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